2023 IN WORDS .

Another year just went past like that, and growing another year older. Honestly, I don’t feel it - growing another year older maybe just feeling the physical strain on the body but mindset wise I would probably say I still don’t feel that much of a difference (yet). Perhaps with the fact that I finally graduated this year (a milestone worth celebrating this year!!), so I’m still in the “student” headspace, even though I sort of found a job, but it’s a contract job within my school (can never leave NTU for now I guess).

This year has been a year of transitions. From being a full time undergraduate to being a graduate like it’s been honestly overwhelming with everything happening in a flash. Upon graduation, I too had about a month of break to myself, but thankfully keeping myself busy with dreamingmarket during that period so I feel like I was actually doing something, and then a job opportunity arrived within a day which I had to report to work immediately the next day after the interview! It was honestly a blessing to be able to find a job that I don’t mind doing (even though its not the industry that I would see myself in the long run), but still very thankful for the opportunity to be able to still work with children and have fun along the way. The transition to working life is rather abrupt yet manageable, thankfully it’s something I could see myself doing so it went well. 

Also, with the transition, this year I learnt to set some boundaries for myself, having ample rest and time to actually have some me-time. Also in my travel era this year, having the opportunity to travel to Taiwan, Hong Kong, Perth and also JB this year! Been way toooooo lazy to edit my vlogs and there’s a lot of backlogs so hopefully I can get it all done before a year LOL. 

But I would say my mental health hasn’t been the best this year especially in the last few months - a lot of overthinking and worries, and I find myself being a bit more easily frustrated with things that are beyond my control or in situations that I cannot handle well in. Something for me to learn to cope with in the coming year, to learn to trust the process and believing that things will be fine. There are alot of times that I honestly felt like giving up and just not giving a shit about the problematic situations. Probably not a healthy way to resolve a problem but I just wasn’t ready to handle it.

There was a week that I felt that my mental states was fighting with each other, because of an re-opened hurt, or rather an un-closed wound. I was struggling to accept that things would not be the same again, but at the same time I was holding on to the faith that there could be a chance that things would work out again. A part of me wants to put things behind me (like how it has been the past few years), but somehow I couldn’t control myself when the pandora box was opened, thinking that how good it would’ve been to go back to the past and relieving the good old times. 

Constantly learning to be a better person, being more tactful and spreading more kindness to people around me. It’s a never ending process of self-discovery and understanding myself better as well, to accept and being more comfortable in my own skin. We are all on borrowed time, so it’s inevitable to choose people that choose you and let everyone else be.

To trust myself more in the new year and to also love myself a bit more - here’s to a great 2024 ahead 🎇