Yet another year has flown by, this year just feels exceptionally fast, with the pandemic and the changing new normalcy of life, 2020 was like a fever dream. Not sure if there is anything much to talk about my year per say, it was mostly just juggling the new normal while trying to survive school life. Entering the second year of university life, and finishing two semesters this year in the midst of the pandemic felt like something that was challenging but now looking back, how did I even manage to handle all that?
This year saw a huge change in most of our lives because of the pandemic situation all around the world. Starting from January even, was supposed to see Taeyeon in Singapore for her concert in February but was cancelled due to COVID-19 concerns all over the world. Who knew that this pandemic would have caused so much changes to our life, changing the way we live each day which eventually became a habit as time went by. New cultures and practices of digitalization was also rapidly growing - classes turning to online methods, zoom chatting with friends during circuit breaker period, increased usage of online shopping and delivery platforms, all of these had made us all more dependable on technology, which is also a good thing as we learn to manage and seek new ways to continue our way of life with minimal disruptions.
One thing I'm especially proud of myself this year was that I started to pick up cooking and baking over the circuit breaker period (yes many people became circuit bakers), and I would just like to say I kind of enjoy the process and seeing people enjoy what I made, though I'm still consistently learning and improving. Over the circuit breaker period I also picked up a couple of dances (lol), watched and caught up on many dramas and shows which I did not have the chance to during school semesters, and also had a lot of me-time which was very important to me as an introvert. I would say that the three months of circuit breaker was well spent and a great social break for myself, though I still have to deal with the "stresses" which may come at home. But nonetheless, I felt the importance of communication during this time, as we yearn for companionship and social interactions while stuck at home.
This year I would say it's a "me-year" - having alot of opportunity and time to spend alone, finding out who I really am and learning more about myself. It takes alot of courage to admit my own faults or weaknesses, but I hope in the coming year(s), I would be able to face them and try to overcome and improve myself to be a better person. One of which is to be more open and out of my own comfort zone. I find myself being stuck in my own comfort for far too long, in which I detest inconvenience or rather more of "fear of the unknown", an inferiority complexity which I have been feeling for the past years - what can I expect? How would others view me? Will I be able to do well? Will I be able to account for myself and will I not disappoint others? It feels almost like I have to be the way I am based on how others want and expect me to be. While many others are slowly working towards their goals and ambitions, meanwhile I'm still here stuck in my own comfort zone, taking things step by step, living each day by day. My main resolution for 2021 is to take a step out of my comfort zone, taking steps to slowly figure out how I want to live my life, what I want to do and how can I be a better person.
As I reach 24, it's at an pretty age, in the midst of being a youth towards being an adult. I guess, this is why I am slowly starting to think for myself, for my future and how I could approach adulting as a more responsible person. It is not just to be responsible to others, but more importantly to myself - how I am as a person, I should not let myself down and to portray the best side of myself. Despite being a major introvert homebody, I feel that I would have to slowly take steps to experience life more - one of my goals is to get an internship/start working and gaining experience. I cannot emphasize how important having experience is for my future, yet I don't see myself taking active steps to achieve my own ambitions - or rather what I want to do, still in the midst of figuring out myself.
I feel like my year in words reflection posts for the past two years have always ended with my insecurities and self-doubt. I feel sorry and apologetic towards people who truly want to understand me better or to get to know me better as a friend but yet because my own lack of self-love and constant doubting, I was unable to much more and constantly have a "wall" probably because of past experiences and trauma or rather the "laziness" and "tiredness" to deal with much more socialisation. I shouldn't be so selfish to determine a friendship based on how I want to see it but I hope I will be able to be more trusting to others more, opening up more and to express my true honest thoughts without stressing over the aftereffects and "what ifs." This year I felt I have became more confident in a sense I was able to think abit about myself more, more self-love - small steps mean alot to me and I hope I can continue to stick to my own morals and values in the coming year.
You did well in 2020, let's go on striving in 2021 too.
happy new year x
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