四年 后 | #30DAYS .

[Day 16- A heartbreaking event you experienced recently]

Before starting on today's blog post, I didn't have any idea on what to write. There isn't something very heartbreaking which I have experienced recently, albeit there has been negative feelings but nothing very heartbreaking. So my friend suggested to me to write about an event which has been pretty personal to me and deep in my heart.

It's been a long time since I talked about this and it has really made a huge impact on my life and it's something which I hope I would not ever experience again. The five days was the lowest period of my life.

Being together under the same roof for 15 years and then suddenly, she's no longer there anymore. I had a lot of regrets thinking about it, being willful and not facing the fact during the last few days. I was in delusion that what I feared for would happen. But ultimately, it was inevitable.

I still remember the night before, we had our last conversation. I still remember the details and even though she wasn't really in her right frame of mind already, she was still caring for our well-being and asking if we have eaten. I was really upset and in pain seeing her suffer, in fact the final few days, I tried to not think of the bad side but things did not seem to be so bright. I tried to stay strong and put on a strong positive front, so not to let them worry but after the demise, I couldn't hold it back.

I remember that morning, my aunt went into my room, broke the news to me, we cried together. She told me to control my feelings and that we should not be too sad but upon going into her room and calling her for the last time 'mama', I broke down. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

typing this post brings back a lot of memories 

4 years on.

Remembering the happy memories and the sad memories. I have learnt a lot from her and I have learnt a lot from this experience. After that five days, I finally understood the importance of cherishing the people around you, and not having any regrets. Missing you.

我和您共同的那些回忆，
我永远会记住的。
您最后一次对我说的那几句话，
我也会记得的。

没有你的日子，
感觉缺少了什么似的，
空荡荡的，
再也无法听到您的笑声了

永远记住，#想念你 的

x

思.念 .

it's mother's day today and my dad asked me a question this morning when we were out to the market. He suddenly asked "Do you still think of mama? Or have you forgotten her?" I nodded my head in silence and walked behind, it was a rather awkward thing to ask though.

Of course I will still keep her forever in my heart. The times and memories, I don't want to forget them. Now I miss her a lot. I really want to see her again, but it's impossible. All I can do is just to look back at the times we had together and also the old photos. It seems like I hardly had taken any photos with her in the recent years before she left us, but I guess it's because no one had expected it.

Losing someone dear to you, it's something painful. I don't want to experience it again. But it's part of life. People come and go. It's a cycle. Well, what I can do is just to cherish the people around me before it's all too late.

But it's a good thing that I adapted quickly and try not to let it affect me that much, well after 1 year plus, I guess I have succeeded in letting it go and not to dwell on it anymore. What for stay in the past when there's the present and future to work on and improve on. But you'll always be in my prayers :')

well, happy mother's day
xoxo

COMPLICATED .

I used to always think that the world isn't that complicated. It was a carefree society and simple. It is not so complicated and competitive. Somehow its also very sad to know everyone might not be willing to help each other.

Life is like a journey, starting at birth, and ending with death. Everyone goes through the same journey. The time between the start and ending of this journey is actually the time you are waiting for death to come. Make sense ? Everyone's final destination will be death. I don't see why people don't want to help others out and caused the society to become a cold and selfish one. Afterall we're all humans and no matter what we are going to die someday.

Pessimistic person i am, but that's the hard truth.

Death. Is very scary.

Death bring your love ones into a period of depression. Death makes someone missing. The loss over someone is really very painful. Imagine being with someone for years and then that someone is no longer there for you anymore. Who will be your listening ear now ?

Trying very hard to be optimistic and I think I've succeeded. For the past seven months, I've managed to try not to dwell over it and move on. But everytime whenever I think of it, I just can't control my feelings.

Time is the essence. Period.

posted from Bloggeroid

时间, 好快。

奶奶:

时间真的过得好快，一转眼半年就过了。奶奶你还好吗? 我们都很想念你哦…

还记得当天晚上睡觉前还和你说过话,没想到你就走了，当晚听到消息的时候不肯接受，还以为是在做梦。边流泪，边希望不是真的, 直到早晨发现许多人都来了，我就知道这一切都不是梦, 忍不住在房里大哭一场，二姑她来拥抱我, 俩人就一起哭泣。

二姑陪伴我到你房里， 见你最后一面，要我控制情绪，"you have to control your feelings, mama don't want to see us being sad." 我多么希望我能坚强一点，但是一进你房里，忍不住流泪了，叫你一声后, 二姑就把我带出来了。

过后的5天算是我生命里最低落的时候，每晚伤心流泪地睡，想起15年来住在同一屋檐下的回忆。真的很舍不得。

最后一天，我们带着不同的心情，伤心悲伤的心情，但为你感到高兴，能够脱离病魔，到一个比较快乐的地方，终于能够和爷爷在一起了。

想念你的笑声，想念你亲切，想念你对我的关心，想念有你的时候，半年后, 还是那么想你。

永远想念你的,
明聪


Forever and ever. Missing you in progress. While writing this, tears just kept flowing....

posted from Bloggeroid

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, GRANDMA .

Happy Chinese New Year Ahma !
Although we can't celebrate CNY this year, we still follow the customs and traditions of having reunion dinner on new year eve !

Yesterday was the first day of CNY. I seriously don't feel the new year mood. Maybe its because we aren't celebrating it. We can't put up decorations, we can't give red packets. Stayed at home and watched TV, played a bit of cello and then played games with my cousins when they came in the afternoon. Aunts also came to join dinner and it was a really simple and short Chinese new year spent.

Day 2 is today, and we are not going house visiting. Staying at home for the next two days but going to aunt's house tonight for dinner.

Mama,
新年快乐 :)

posted from Bloggeroid

GRATITUDE, 感恩 .

Sorry for not posting in a long long time, was busy with school and was also sick for the past 2 days. :(

Began to become easily touched with those little actions and thoughts people have, like when people actually care for me, that kind of feeling, where I'm actually quite touched.

I also thought of my late grandma, wonder how is she doing right now, must be having a great time with ahgong, and also looking over all of us. Really miss her. All those little actions and things you all did, I'm aware of it, but at that time, I just don't know how to show my gratitude and being thankful, being really naive.

But after all that happened, I began to cherish all the people and things around me, no matter what their value were. I realized I began to care for people more now.

It's going to be flag day tmr, and I actually thought of doing my job seriously and try and do my best to help all those in need and really, so many people out there who needs our help and all we try to help as much as we can.

Being able to understand the story behind being thankful to people and things around you, life isn't that meaningless anymore. I don't want to regret again and learnt to let go easily.

Afterall, what is mine will be mine one day.

感恩 .

It has been 2 months .

2 months passed so quickly.
It felt as though it was only a month ago when this happened. A fast and unexpected incident, which will always be in my mind.

谢谢你给我的那些回忆。
感恩。

posted from Bloggeroid

#想念你 .

One month. It has been a month. One month ago, the unexpected happened. One month ago, everything changed. One month ago, it became different.

Our lives changed after you left. I hope you are doing well up there.

posted from Bloggeroid

好难得 .

In just 3 weeks time, the holidays will end. Kind of fast but that's how time goes. Really fast. This holiday hasn't been a good one for me. It's one of the fastest and worst ones in fact.

Many things has happened during this short period of 2 months. Most of them were unpleasant experiences, some were fun and meaningful ones. Was planning to use this 2 months wisely, balancing between studies and play. But things never went as planned.

Many unfortunate things happened as well. Up till now, my relatives and I are still in the process of adjusting and adapting to the fact that grandma has left. Her demise has brought us much sadness and also I feel that it's a painful experience.

"The rain falls because the sky can no longer handle its weight. Just like the tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain."

REGRETS .

Long bus rides give you an opportunity to reflect and think about things. Although it can be pretty boring, but yesterday's bus ride was full of emotions to me.

I was travelling back home from Tampines back home in Serangoon. The bus ride took around 40 minutes. The thought of the incident just really makes me sad. The more I don't want to think of it, the more it appears in my mind. Really miss her a lot.

Move On, easy to say, hard to do. I guess no one else understand how I feel now. I was thinking, all of us would eventually have to go, but at different phases of your life. You would never know when will you leave this world, and it may happen anytime.

Yes, death is indeed really scary, and I don't want to experience the pain of losing a loved one again or experience a close shave with dealth. It's really scary. Just imagine the next moment, you may just faint and gone like that. And hence, we should all cherish life and live live to the fullest everyday.

"Life is too short to take anyone in your life for granted. treasure and cherish"

MISSING YOU .

It's going to be a month already. Still can't accept the fact that you are gone. Keep having this feeling of emptiness inside of me. It's just this lost feeling. Don't know what to do now. Whenever I think of my grandma, I just feel sorry for her. She used to be such a lively and healthy person, brings joy to the family, chatters and laugh really loudly, but we can't hear it any more...

这天,真美
想想 你现在就在那里望着我
这几天 你还好吗？

记得 我们一起经历的事
许多的回忆 许多的欢乐
记得 分享过的心情
快乐的 难过的 无聊的
记得 你曾经跟我说过的话
知足常乐 天天快乐 

记得 你的笑
笑起来 眼睛眯眯地
真的很开心
记得 你的坚强
到了最后一刻 你还在奋斗着

每天 进了你的房间 我就会去找你
逗留在你的座位 和你聊天
现在 进了房间 你却不在了

我会永远记得你是如何的疼我
我会想念你的..

REST IN PEACE .

She has left us . Ahma has passed on. But she will always still be in our heart, and we will always be missing her.

11 November 2012, 2:55am.
She left us for a better place.
To a place where angels are
A place that's peaceful, happy and beautiful.
That morning when I woke up, still oblivious to the fact that ahma has left. Until I realised my relatives were all in the living room. My mum came in and told my brother,

"Mama passed away already"

Upon hearing that, I cried.
Its been a long time since I cried, but its because I really don't want her to leave. My aunt came in and consoled me, but we both ended up crying together.

She looked peaceful and happy when she passed on. Its a good sign.

The wake was held for 5 days at my uncle's house, where the void deck is bigger and there's more parking space available. It's one of the worst periods of my life.

For the past 15 years, she has been living together under the same roof. But she's gone suddenly, and its really too sudden. After living together for so long, I would really miss her a lot

On the last day at the crematorium, I cried again. She's really gone, and we all have to carry on with life, this would let her rest in peace.

She was a victim of cancer. Cells spread really fast and after 40 days upon being diagnosed with cancer, she left us.

But we shouldn't be sad. Her sufferings are finally over, that's good. She has also went to a happy place. Whenever I look upto the sky, I think of her.

Rest in peace ahma ! :')
我们都会想念你的!
想念你的笑声，
想念你的温柔，
想念你的存在，
安息吧!